I SWEAR I DON'T MAKE THIS SHIT UP

Police find few clues in shooting of man in the buttocks

Bullet wounds suffered by a man in a shooting incident last night don't appear to be life-threatening.

But police said they have no clues as to who shot the man in the buttocks.

The victim told police that he had just arrived home and was walking up the front steps when a man dressed in black shot him in the buttocks.

"The victim claimed that he did not know his attacker. Limited information was provided by the victim into the incident. There are no suspects at this time," Detectives wrote in their report.

Detectives recovered three spent shell casings from the scene.

Police said the victim was taken to an area hospital and was expected to make a full recovery from his wounds.

"At this point, we have a lot more questions than answers and not much to go on," The Police Chief said of the ongoing investigation.

This happened last night during my shift, Iwas working the booking room and dealing with among others,

• The woman who beat her husband with the leg of a chair,
• The drug addict who decided he was suicidal when asked (in the booking intake form) if he wanted to hurt or kill himself. He then asked "when is the ambulance gonna take me to the hospital?" to which I informed him that just answering suicidal doesn't mean he gets to go to the nice comfy cushy hospital, it just means that he goes into the cell naked so that he doesn't have any implements to harm himself with. He promptly tried to recant his ascertations which by law cannot be done, and was placed into the holding cell nekkid as a jaybird (or suicidal jailbird) as the case may be.
• And finally the 17 year old delinquent crime spree who broke into several cars until he was caught by one of his victims and held at bay until the sector car arrived. He was upset to learn that he did not get issued a pillow and a blanky and really really wanted a glass of ice water if we would be so nice to fetch him one.

Yeah it was a night that makes me really appreciate that I have the next few nights (including Christmas Eve off this year....